There’s nothing wrong with a children’s film that seeks to capture the attention of people across generations. Hitting the mark can produce pure magic. Pixar has done this with every film in its prime, the first two Paddington Bears being a great example. However, if you miss it, you could end up with a film like What If. That said, it’s a mediocre effort that’s neither interesting enough to appeal to kids nor interesting enough to appeal to mums and dads. This is John Krasinski’s first youth-skewing horror film since Silent Land. Krasinski has a natural flair for conceptual cinema, but here, his efforts feel uncomfortable, with an all-too-obvious and contrived quest for pathos. It’s like watching an adult’s distant childhood memories repurposed through the tired lens of parental experience. The imagination is there, it’s just not the wild and boundless kind that kids really enjoy.
As an example, just look at the beginning. As is traditional, Bizarro Kill prologues with a home video montage that flashes back to a young family’s carefree past. It’s a red flag of impending trauma, but the sound of gunfire gets in the way, and it’s more like a life insurance commercial than family entertainment. Among many better examples, this sequence compares favourably with the hilarious and witty opening of The Muppet Movie or the devastating opening of Flyaway Home. The composer of Bizarro Kill is Michael Giacchino, but you wouldn’t think so.
The scene brings us to the present day, when 12-year-old Bea (Cailey Fleming of The Walking Dead) has lost her mother to cancer. When her father (played in super dork mode by Krasinski himself) is hospitalised for some kind of unspecified major surgery, Bea moves in with her grandmother (played by an unsettlingly accented Fiona Shaw), who lives in Brooklyn Heights. Once again, the locale and setting are very familiar.
Bereavement is an important theme for any film, and this is an admirable script that incorporates anxiety. Bea’s outward calm – “I’m not a child” – doesn’t disguise the panic she feels at the thought of losing her father too. This is where IF comes in; IF is the imaginary friend of one’s childhood. Karasinski peddles the concept a little too much – perhaps a little too much faith in its brilliance – but it’s not hard to understand. IFs are born out of a child’s vibrant imagination and can come in any shape, size or form. When a child grows up and no longer needs them, they lose the ability to see them. Hopefully, the child will not forget their previous assumptions. Obviously, in the depths of the crisis, Bea could have spent time with an imaginary friend – both to keep her safe and to remind her that, yes, she is indeed still a child.
In graphical implementations, IF is more than enough. Nothing special – no more than anything a real kid could come up with – but visually appealing enough. A giant, furry purple monster, reminiscent of Sully from Monsters, Inc. steals most of the scene, while other IFs include a porcelain doll with butterfly wings, spacemen, unicorns, talking marshmallows, and a glass of water. Each song is voiced by one of the top stars in the phone book that Karasinski pored over. George Clooney, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Bradley Cooper, Matt Damon, Okafina …… It’s an impressive roll call. As for Blue, the misnamed purple fluff bucket, Krasinski has pulled in his old office mate Steve Carell.
At the top of the circus is Ryan Reynolds as Carl, Bia’s grumpy neighbour and IF’s circus conductor, and the only adult in the room who can see them. It’s an easy win for Reynolds, though it never really challenges him to go beyond gentle charm. In fact, there’s nothing here. That the IFs live in a nursing home beneath a dilapidated carousel in Coney Island isn’t exactly pure imagination. There’s an energetic musical number halfway through which goes some way to energising the slow first half, but otherwise there’s no hustle and bustle.IF is thoughtful, teary-eyed and nostalgic. It’s also a bit boring.
It remains to be seen whether this film will resonate with younger audiences. It seems unlikely. Kids don’t need to be loud to get their attention, but surprise is necessary and there’s a sense that the story takes their interests into account. What’s with the retro idealism – do young people using iPads now have time for imaginary friends? – and charming sentimentality, IF it’s likely to tug at parents’ heartstrings, but only if they’re not going to be distracted from their target audience in order to keep them entertained. If only.
